dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
