wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
