i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
