I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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