i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I love having hate sex.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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