we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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