I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
