The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
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Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
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You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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