He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
