Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
