the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
