she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
