I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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