He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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