didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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