All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
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I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
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Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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