Well now I have my semen on her headphones
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
