we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
