i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
