I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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