I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
