My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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