Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
