What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
