Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
