There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
