matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
