How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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