theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Can you bring me the toilet please
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
