To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
