I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Randomize
