come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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