I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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