yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
