So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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