Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
