I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
