dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
