i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
