dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
