Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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