new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
