On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
