I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
