I can tuck mytits in my pants
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Randomize
