He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
