yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
