Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
