in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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