you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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