i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
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