I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize