So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My breasts were aching with rage.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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