i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
