I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
