One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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