No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
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It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
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Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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