i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
MIDGETS
????
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
