I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
