fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Randomize
