Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
